Timechecks and Life Fulfilment

For me, birthdays and new years are always a time for reflection. The fact that they happen every year at a fixed time allows me to use these events as markings on my timeline, to check on what i have done in the past one year, how much more i have to achieve in the remaining time that I am alive. For the past 4 years, I have also met up with a few people on a periodic basis, to gather their thoughts about their lives, their passions, and they share with me their thoughts about my life, my passion and where that leads me.

To me, time is a perishable commodity. I have always been acutely aware that my life on earth and being me is limited, and that each moment I don't utilize or maximize, is one moment lost forever and without contribution to "my cause". With age, "my cause"changes. I have been lucky that these changes have been slight, and not drastic, which sometimes assure me that I'm doing what I like to do, and have no regrets. I know that with each day, I move away from where I started (the magical moment when the tadpole met the egg) and towards where it will all end (the moment of realization at the end of my last breath). I don't have enough time.

I don't believe in an afterlife. I am not sure why we're here, and what we are in the grand scheme of things; but i wonder, if the answer to that question is imperative to my existence and to how much I enjoy my life and be part of how others around me enjoy theirs. I, however, believe that life is fleeting, that it is but "a glimpse between two eternities". That i'm given this chance only once, as me, and i won't know if i've made the best use of my time because the gift of hindsight doesn't quite apply in this case.

As a result, I review my situation regularly, and the question is at the back of my head all the time - "Am i wasting my time? Am I doing the best that I can?". I'm not a particularly focused or disciplined person, but i think a world of myself. No, i don't think i'm super smart, ultra funny, crazy attractive; but I truly believe that I can achieve anything I want to and that the only thing that can stop me, is myself. I have been very blessed that whatever i've set out to do, i've almost always succeeded. I'm actually really unlucky in the things that i leave to fate and luck. I am convinced that I will never win the lottery (there goes the possibility of quick wealth), or look like Monica Belucci (oh my goodness, how can anyone look so gorgeous?).

So imagine my surprise and excitement when I won a drawing contest held by the local papers when I was 16. The theme was "what do you feel music is to you?". I drew a quaver encircling a 3D looking globe (i took much effort to draw the continents and islands etc) and wrote on the note "Music. The Common Language of the World." I won a bottle of Tommy Hilfiger perfume. That was my best shot at luck... EVER.

The luck i experienced in the remaining of my life, was more to do with the people I've met and the situations I have been in. I guess it's like how they say "knowing the right people, being the right place at the right time". Then again, "right" is subjective. Maybe i'm just easily satiable and easily content. I feel that everything that has happened to me thus far, has been amazing, insane, crazy and out of this world. Thus, I am thankful everyday that I do what I do, am where I am, have the family and friends that I have.

I'm not quite sure what I've done to deserve this life, but I know that it's been charming. Time is running out, and there is still so much to do, so much to see, so much love to give, so much love to receive!