Heartbeat

Where you stand, where you are, that's what your life is right there, regardless of how painful it is or how enjoyable it is. That's what it is. - Taizan Maezumi

Have you ever listened to your own heartbeat with a stethoscope? I have. Last week, Rubberface came home with a stethoscope, and taught me how to listen to my own heart. After much figuring about (Rubberface chastised me for not knowing the accurate location of my heart), I finally heard myself (literally, listen to your heart!).

Dum dum...dum dum... dum dum..

Wow, I said to her, that's what's keeping me alive.

In that moment, a revelation hit me. That life can be very simple and uncomplicated, but so fragile at the same time. At the end of the day, it's more important to keep your body healthy, and to keep that heart pumping. When it comes to the human body, strange things can happen without reason. The heart is not operated by chips and wires, can't be broken apart to analyze and put back easily. For some reason or another, it can just stop. No heartbeat, no pumping, no blood.

If the heart doesn't beat, there's really no need to sweat all the other things. It doesn't really matter.

Sleep has evaded me the past weeks, while vivid, weird and morbid dreams have taken over. I can't remember if I was terrified in those dreams, but I wake up recounting every scene, every feeling I had and wondering why I could have dreamt of myself swimming through marshland clogged with severed body parts and dead dogs, being chased by skeletons in black robes, and running/ flying/ fleeing down flights and flights of stairs.Maybe i should try sleeping on the other side of the bed or drinking less water before bedtime...