Heartbeat

Where you stand, where you are, that's what your life is right there, regardless of how painful it is or how enjoyable it is. That's what it is. - Taizan Maezumi

Have you ever listened to your own heartbeat with a stethoscope? I have. Last week, Rubberface came home with a stethoscope, and taught me how to listen to my own heart. After much figuring about (Rubberface chastised me for not knowing the accurate location of my heart), I finally heard myself (literally, listen to your heart!).

Dum dum...dum dum... dum dum..

Wow, I said to her, that's what's keeping me alive.

In that moment, a revelation hit me. That life can be very simple and uncomplicated, but so fragile at the same time. At the end of the day, it's more important to keep your body healthy, and to keep that heart pumping. When it comes to the human body, strange things can happen without reason. The heart is not operated by chips and wires, can't be broken apart to analyze and put back easily. For some reason or another, it can just stop. No heartbeat, no pumping, no blood.

If the heart doesn't beat, there's really no need to sweat all the other things. It doesn't really matter.

Sleep has evaded me the past weeks, while vivid, weird and morbid dreams have taken over. I can't remember if I was terrified in those dreams, but I wake up recounting every scene, every feeling I had and wondering why I could have dreamt of myself swimming through marshland clogged with severed body parts and dead dogs, being chased by skeletons in black robes, and running/ flying/ fleeing down flights and flights of stairs.Maybe i should try sleeping on the other side of the bed or drinking less water before bedtime...

La Vida es Sueño

La Vida es Sueño - Pedro Caldéron de la Barca

Sueña el rey que es rey, y vive
con este engaño mandando,
disponiendo y gobernando;
y este aplauso, que recibe
prestado, en el viento escribe,
y en cenizas le convierte
la muerte, ¡desdicha fuerte!
¿Que hay quien intente reinar,
viendo que ha de despertar
en el sueño de la muerte?

Sueña el rico en su riqueza,
que más cuidados le ofrece;
sueña el pobre que padece
su miseria y su pobreza;
sueña el que a medrar empieza,
sueña el que afana y pretende,
sueña el que agravia y ofende,
y en el mundo, en conclusión,
todos sueñan lo que son,
aunque ninguno lo entiende.

Yo sueño que estoy aquí
destas prisiones cargado,
y soñé que en otro estado
más lisonjero me vi.
¿Qué es la vida? Un frenesí.
¿Qué es la vida? Una ilusión,
una sombra, una ficción,
y el mayor bien es pequeño:
que toda la vida es sueño,
y los sueños, sueños son.