Positivity is the Elixir of Youth

Over lunch on my own today, I watched a young gay couple enjoy their lunch at the table next to mine. They were in their teens, looked very fresh and trendy, were cute individuals and looked sweet together as well. I smiled to myself, and thought, ah, the wonderful years of being young and free.

I’m not that much older (or so I wish to believe), but of late, have entered this stage in life when suddenly you have to make very “grown up” decisions. I never thought much about age, and disregarded the social expectations of age-coherent behavior. I remember one time, when I was 27, I was fooling around in the back seat of the family car with my three younger sisters. Dad looked at mom, and said, “are you sure she’s 27?” I found that hilarious and motivating, actually, and secretly was proud to be silly.

Now, I find myself having to make wiser financial decisions (fine, I’m turning 30. No big deal, I hear you say? Yeah I know it’s no big deal, but things just happen you know? What am I to do???), plan a wedding, contemplate career changes and think about family planning. It seems a little surreal. On one hand, I feel empowered and excited about the future, on the other hand, I can’t help wonder if I’m ready to grow up just yet. I still want to learn DJ-ing (and I somehow just cannot imagine how a family woman can be a cool DJ – but it must be possible right? Right???), backpack through the silk route, do fun stuff that only young hip people seem to do. And I wonder, am I missing something? Will it be hard for a married woman, with children at one point, to still be cool, young, fun loving and have time to learn stuff???

All this is probably self inflicted. Who says I need to get married, and who says I need to have children soon? But you see, this is part of that whole growing-up-and-making-grown-up-decisions phase, which bums me sometimes. Being an adult is still more fun than being a kid, i feel. I don’t miss being a student, definitely not having to do homework and study for exams; and i like that i am earning my own keep and can travel when i want.

But I do miss the times when my biggest concerns were how to chase boys around the block as fast as I could, how not to look too nerdy but more hip, and how to hide the pimples on my face.

Growing Old

One of the perils with growing older is that you start getting afraid and you have fear, because you have more to lose. When we were younger, we didn't have much so we didn't risk much. As a result, life was simpler, decisions could be made quicker. You only really had yourself to think about.

As you grow older, you invest more in relationships, in careers, in decisions. Life starts to get difficult as you find yourself weighing the pros and cons of every situation, every option. Then you start to have people you really care about, which make decisions less likely to be selfish because you actually have to think about the people around you - how your actions may impact them, and if they may actually know you better than you think.

Being an adult has its perks, like having your own apartment, traveling solo, making your own money and creating your own destiny (of sorts). But it definitely doesn't get easier.